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Steve's Life And Business Coaching Notes

June 2013


Spring Tulips of The Pacific Northwest


1)Building Trust (In Personal or Professional Relationships) - Little Things Can Make a Big Difference - Here we explore some of the challenges, do's and don'ts of building trust in your professional and personal relationships.

2) Some Useful Resources For Everyone - Here is a link to a short article on "Contagious Marketing" to get the most exposure with your message, a link to the Buddha At The Gas Pump site and interviews to help you keep growing, and another invitation to learn more and get involved in Google Plus so you can attract more business.

3) Just Because You Want to Help Others As A Coach, Doesn't Mean You Have To Starve - For the coaches in the crowd who love coaching and want to learn how to make a good living WHILE helping others, the participants list for the Fall 2013 edition of THE 6 FIGURE PRACTICE MENTOR PROGRAM for coaches is growing. If you are ready to get serious about your marketing, please check out the new video description of the program and claim your space.

  "Larger questions need to be asked to have a larger life"

-James Hollis

1) Building Trust (In Personal or Professional Relationships) - Little Things Can Make a Big Difference

There is a young financial advisor in our area trying very hard to get my business. He tracked me down. Started sending me letters introducing himself and his outlook on investing. He even found my email and started sending me regular market commentaries. He is obviously putting a lot of time and effort into the hope of getting my business.

He doesn’t have a chance, and here is why.

On the surface his actions may convey that he is really interested in me, that I am important to him, that he is qualified, that he is serious and that he would provide great service. The problem is, I have met this guy in person several times, when he did not recognize me as one of his prospects. In both of those casual meetings, he did not give me the time of day. In fact, every one of his social behaviours shouted the message, “I don’t care one iota about you or really anyone else.” For example; did not make eye contact, did not show any interest in getting to know me, did not even appear friendly to anyone else around and generally came across as totally self-absorbed.

Now, he may be a lovely young man and might make a great financial advisor someday. However, the message he broadcasts in person, completely undermines all of his marketing efforts. In person, he gives out the message - "you are not important" or "I don’t care about you". And in these circumstances, human beings who experience that sort of behaviour tend to return the favor by making up stories such as "you are not sincere", "you are not nice", "I cannot trust you", "I do not want to get to know you".

Modern neuroscience tells us that the first, largely unconscious, decision we make when meeting someone is “friend” or “foe”. This determination is made almost instantly. If you blow the signals needed to make it into the possible “friend” category, you are deemed to be a possible “foe”. And it can take a long time, and a great deal of effort, to overcome that designation.

What is the learning here? I can think of few lives or careers whose overall success and happiness is not linked to their success in relationship. And you simply cannot fake interest, compassion or trustworthiness for long. Any signal of insincerity or inconsistency, can torpedo an otherwise promising and rewarding relationship. And it does not take too much stress to make poor communicators out of us all. (I have been working on this stuff for decades and still whenever I get too busy, too much in a hurry or too narrowly focused on one problem, my overall awareness and people skills plummet.)

So, if greater happiness and success is important to you, pay more attention to all your key relationships. In particular:

- Proactively manage your stress. (Stress can make social and emotional misfits out of us all.)

- Slow down and create space to greet, acknowledge and generally meet the people in your life - even if it's to simply say, “Great to see you. I really want to talk this through, but I have to get this job done today. Can we find a time to talk tomorrow?”

- Whatever you choose to say, pay attention to make sure the body language is congruent. It does no good to talk a friendly game, if you are not making eye contact or in a closed or non-receptive body position.

- Be consistent. You can be kind and warm 9 out of 10 times you meet. But if in that 10th interaction you come across differently, it can undermine all your previous efforts.

- In more detailed communication, such as you might find on written material or on your website, it is important to talk to your prospect’s thinking/analytic brain – which needs to know you are qualified, experienced and provide the service/information/outcomes they are looking for. But it is even more important to also communicate to the feeling/relationship part of your prospect’s brain which is needing to know a little bit about your background, motivation and personality – so it can vote correctly on the “friend” or “foe” issue.

There is a whole lot of good social science that simply reinforces the simple truths you may have learned from your parents or grandparents. In all your dealings, personal or professional, be real, be kind, be genuine and seek to add value. Treat people with intelligence, compassion and respect. Treat people as you would want to be treated.

Also know that your heart is your primary sensory organ to connect to others and life itself. For the heart to fully open, you need to take a little time because you have to be present enough to move beyond your thoughts and actually feel. It also takes a little courage because sometimes when you open your heart you get hurt, and past hurts can make us hold back. And finally, you benefit from being a little curious about what you have in common with the other, so you don't get stuck in judgement or feelings of separation.

If you can manage to keep your heart open, the rest will take care of itself.

"The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advises "Be careful, protect yourself". Whereas love says "Let yourself, go!" The mind is strong, never falls down, while love hurts itself, falls into ruins. But isn't it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures."

- Shams Tabrizi (Rumi’s teacher - circa 1200)

2) Some Useful Resources For Everyone

Here are a few other resources that may be of use:

Contagious Marketing - Why Things Catch On - Here is a link to an article about Wharton Marketing professor Jonah Berger's new book Contagious: Why Things Catch On. Berger has identified a few key principles that will help your ideas reach a much bigger audience.

Batgap - For the mindfulness buffs/existentialist/seekers/finders/yogis/buddhas in training/spiritual types in the crowd, you may enjoy checking out the website Buddha At The Gas Pump - It is full of video interviews done by host Rick Archer, with some of today's great souls and big-hearted teachers. Here is a link to a Batgap video of one of my favorite teachers Rupert Spira.

Google Plus - I have been encouraging you to get plugged in to Google Plus, as it is promising to be a important social media site of the future. AND because getting visitors to to "g+1" (think "liking" on Facebook) your site is going to help raise your page rank or site popularity, which will translate into more web traffic and more business.

3) Dear Newer Coach Colleague- Just Because You Want to Help Others Doesn't Mean You Have To Take a Vow of Poverty.

Just because you love to help people, are called to coach and make a difference, doesn't mean you can't earn a decent living.

If you are one of the many coaches that love coaching but are simply not getting the results you want in your practice, I invite you to check out THE 6-FIGURE PRACTICE MENTORING PROGRAM.

Coach Marketing

(I put together a new video that briefly describes the program.)

This program runs only twice a year and it's 100% focused on coaches. We work together to help you find a great niche of ideal clients where you feel called to work and are sure you can make a good living. Then we move on to work with a high degree of individual attention, through branding, positioning, choosing of marketing channels that suit your strengths and setting up or revamping your website and other systems to attract a steady stream of ideal clients.

It is pay as you go, and comes with a full satisfaction guarantee. So if it is not a great fit or of tremendous value, you can leave at any time. Feel free to read the course description and testimonials of the happy participants over the years.

If you are interested, you can email me at scmitten@shaw.ca to secure a spot for the September start. And for those of you who do not want to wait until September, rest assured we can get you going early with a few 1 to 1 calls.

Mentor Program Testimonials

"I really love the way you gently helped me move through all my doubts and find a way to market my practice that felt authentic to me. This has been so worth it."

"After 2 years of struggling alone, I took your program and am now profitable, paying all my bills, and I have 4 people to get back to today."

"Thank you, I deeply appreciate working together,
I am getting more value than I ever expected or could hope for."

"This is deeply important. Our conversations truly move me and inspire me to develop a similar depth of compassion and depth of knowledge for my clients."

"Working with Steve literally transformed my coaching practice and took my life to a whole new level."

Visit Steve at Life and Business Coach Steve Mitten.

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