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Steve's Life And Business Coaching Notes

November 2012


The joyful shout of November leaves.


1) Reacting versus Responding - How to dial up the responding, and dial down the reacting. (And thus maximize the benefits of the former, and minimize the damage of the latter.)

2) Some Useful Resources For Everyone - Want to develop more charisma, embody more confidence and reduce your stress or even progress on your spiritual path? Here are a few links to teaching videos you might enjoy.

3) Early Warning - For you the newer coaches in the crowd. The waiting list for January's 6 FIGURE PRACTICE MENTOR PROGRAM for coaches is already growing.

1) Reacting Versus Responding

I have been thinking recently about the difference between reacting and responding, and the consequences it can have in your many personal and professional relationships. Specifically, if you have a pulse you have probably had your share of reactions. After all, despite our best intentions to respond appropriately in any situation, we are highly conditioned organisms that accumulate a lot of baggage. So when a particular set of circumstances reminds us of some previous situation, we can react with less skill and perhaps more emotion, than we might like.

This is not to say all reactions are bad. They can serve a wonderful evolutionary purpose of keeping us safe in life threatening situations. However, unnoticed and unmanaged they can also wreak havoc in our lives, career and relationships. Because, when we react without consideration, and particularly when we overreact, we can alienate those around us and cause real damage. (Not to mention the resulting guilt and recriminations we can direct towards ourselves.)

We tend to be most likely to react when we are; too busy, stressed, multi-tasking or overly invested in life unfolding in a particular way. And we all have a certain number of situations, or relationships, that evoke disproportionately large and emotionally charged reactions. In these circumstances our reactions are typically grounded in fear or very old conditioning. And whenever we react from a place of fear, we are rarely at our best. Reactions based on fear tend to generate a lot of collateral damage.

In contrast, when we are not as busy or stressed, and perhaps a little more present, it is far easier for us to take just a few seconds to respond more appropriately. When we take the time to feel through or experience the tendency to react, (as the thought and emotion it is), and let it pass without resistance or action, we are then better able to consider the most constructive response. Even a little pause between stimulus and response, can make a huge difference.

However, in spite of your best intentions, efforts and resolve, you will still have the occasional reaction. I suggest you simply welcome them. I have come to view all my reactions as gifts. They are usually messengers from the Universe pointing to areas where I have unexamined attachments, or opportunities to grow. When I greet them as important visitors, identify the emotion underlying the circumstance, trace that back to the previous time, and the time before that, and the time before that, I can usually identify the initial experience or wound, (often way back in childhood) that simply hasn't been felt through or let go of.

To successfully convert more reactions into responses, all it takes is:

1) An ongoing commitment to manage your overall stress/anxiety level so you experience less sense of being rushed and less overwhelm.

2) An intention to wait out any initial reaction to any important circumstance, so you might access a response that comes from love or intelligence, not fear or conditioning.

3) An acceptance that we all will fall short of the ideal, and a willingness to explore the opportunity to grow, make things right, and forgive ourselves as fluently as we might forgive our loved ones.

The Deeper Teaching - Overcoming thought is the highest yoga. If you can recognize that every thought, emotion, reaction, desire and judgment you have is always witnessed. If you can begin to shift your felt sense of identity, from the ever changing mind where thoughts and emotions continually course - to the calm, accepting, peaceful awareness that witnesses all comings and goings without resistance - you will take everything less personally, and begin to notice far less drama in your life.

Ultimately, you conquer thought, not by intense management or practice, but simply through renunciation. You stop believing in their reality.

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”

-Rita Mae Brown

3) Some Useful Resources For Everyone

From time to time I feel called to pass on a few choice videos on topics I believe will be of interest and help you move forward. Here are a few:

- For all you leaders, professionals, parents or individuals wanting more presence, power and impact, you may enjoy watching this video of Olivia Fox Cabane at Google. Olivia researches and teaches on the wide range of interpersonal skills that contribute to charisma.

- Here is a link to Harvard’s Amy Cuddy talking about the impact of body language on our body chemistry, confidence, stress and ultimately who we become.

- Here is a link to a video of Rupert Spira. Rupert is one of the most articulate and effective teachers of mindfulness and non-duality (the direct path teaching approach of overcoming the mind). I had the pleasure of spending a weekend with him recently. In this particular video he responds to a question about, "Why am I not enlightened yet?"

3) Heads Up: Registration for January's 6 FIGURE PRACTICE MENTOR PROGRAM will open in December.

If you are a coach that is not getting the results you want in your practice, I invite you to check out THE 6-FIGURE PRACTICE MENTORING PROGRAM.

This program runs only twice a year and it is 100% focused on coaches. We work together to help you find a great niche of ideal clients where you feel called to work, and are sure you can make a good living. Then we move on to work through branding, positioning, choosing of marketing channels that suit your strengths, and setting up or redirecting your website, and other systems, to attract a steady stream of clients.

It is pay as you go, and comes with a full satisfaction guarantee. So if it is not of tremendous value, you can leave at any time. Feel free to read the course description and testimonials of the happy participants over the years.

If you are interested, you can email me at scmitten@shaw.ca to secure a spot.  

Mentor Program Testimonials

"I really love the way you gently helped me move through all my doubts and find a way to market my practice that felt authentic to me. This has been so worth it."

"After 2 years of struggling alone, I took your program and am now profitable, paying all my bills, and I have 4 people to get back to today."

"Thank you, I deeply appreciate working together,
I am getting more value than I ever expected or could hope for."

"This is deeply important. Our conversations truly move me and inspire me to develop a similar depth of compassion and depth of knowledge for my clients."

"Working with Steve literally transformed my coaching practice and took my life to a whole new level."

Visit Steve at Life and Business Coach Steve Mitten.

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