Life and Business Coach

May 2004


1) PERSONAL GROWTH - Communicate or Connect. What's wrong with just communicating? 

2) MARKETING TIP - You need to connect to sell.

3) COACHING TIP - Deeper connections can take your coaching to new levels.


I am just back from a week-long leadership retreat in Northern California. It was fabulous. The theme for the whole retreat was connecting and creating from others.  We danced, played, climbed rope courses, talked, did improv, processed and generally immersed ourselves in the realm of connecting to, and creating from, others. A lot of learning occurred. Here are a few nuggets I can share with you.


Generally, in our often harried lives, we default to simply communicating with one another, without connection. We exchange vast amounts of data. We instruct. We sell. We judge. And we rarely take enough time to connect to each other at a deeper level; to feel, appreciate, and understand the essence of this other human being in front of us.


For most of us, our default form of communication comes solely from our head. And it tends to have us seeing others as either vehicles, obstacles or irrelevant vis--vis our own needs.


When you take the time to slow down, feel, and truly connect to the other - as a person - communication can flow from the heart. Which is a much more powerful place to live and communicate from. It is the place where miracles happen. (Think about it, anyone who has ever inspired you, or moved you profoundly, has found a way to connect with you.)


Look at the professional and personal relationships around you today. How much of your communication is coming solely from you head? How many people in your life do you simply treat a vehicles, obstacles or irrelevant? What might be possible if you first connected to them from your heart?



Knowledge is simply not enough to change behavior. Period. If it was just a matter of downloading information, our clients could simply read a few hundred books on relevant topics, solve all their problems, and get on with living a great life. (They wouldn't need us.)  

Likewise, information alone is not enough to have someone hire you as a coach. No matter how eloquent you are, if you only give out information (about you, how coaching works, etc.), you will not attract many clients.

For a prospect to hire you as a coach, they must have an experience of the benefits they would receive through coaching. The more powerful that experience, the greater the likelihood they will work with you.

To give a prospect a powerful experience of coaching, you must connect to them, human being to human being, and activate some level of emotion.  When you let go of seeing prospects as a vehicle for building your business, and engage them fully with a sincere desire to be of use, without attachment to a particular outcome, a powerful coaching experience can follow.

With a powerful experience of coaching, that triggers an emotional response, on something important to the qualified prospect - odds are you will end up with a new client.

In all you prospecting seek first to connect. Then coach from there.


It is emotion that fuels the changes our clients want to make. A mental decision to make a change has the staying power of gnat. Unless it is reinforced by an strong emotional commitment, resolve can evaporate with every new thought.

To engage the emotional fuel in our clients, we need to connect to them at a deeper level then simply thoughts alone. To do this we need to be "over there" with them.  In other words focused not only on what they are doing, (or not doing), saying (or not saying), but also focused on who they really are as a human beings - what they are experiencing now, what they long for, what makes their heart beat faster, what makes them bold, and also what cools their blood and saps their determination.

To connect at a deep level with our clients, we need to remain fully present, open, and intensely curios.  

On a scale of 1 - 10, how present, open and curious are you today? 

Happy coaching.

Visit Steve at

To receive this newsletter simply send an email to please sign me up.